The REAL Mary Sue
by Aaliyah-Charity
Summary: Tired of all the Oh-so-perfect-can-fight-everyone-and-win-and-oh-super-strong-and-superb-cook girls you read about every day? Well, here's a new twist to those Mary Sues! ^_^!


The REAL Mary Sue!  
By: Aaliyah-Charity  
  
A/N: This isn't your average Mary Sue, but it's more realistic than some! ^_^! (I'm talking about MY stories, because all of your stories are AWESOME!) GO LOW BRASS! I saw the movie Identity! I LOVED it! Everyone needs to see it. You'll get mad at the movie, but it's really good!  
  
Disclaimer: No, I don't own 'The Outsiders' for it belongs to S.E. Hinton, who is a better writer than I shall ever be. Plus I'm broke because of trombone lessons, which I DESPERATELY need, so please don't sue.  
  
Credits: This story is a parody of Jedi Aeryn's HILARIOUS story Finally! A *realistic* Mary-Sue!, a parody of mock-Mary Sues for Lord of the Rings. She was kind enough to let me write an 'Outsiders' version! ^_^! Be sure to read hers and review! And thanks to Rina for the name! ^_^!  
  
Version 1: Distraught Greaser  
  
A distraught greaser girl trotted into Tulsa. Despite all time, space, and greaser-dom, man was she U-G-L-Y! Man, even the author looks better (A/N: HEY! I'M NOT THAT UGLY!). Her feet was bloody from the stones and worms biting at her feet. Her outfit, which was hidious from the start was now battered and worn past recognition. Her hair was tangled in an ugly mass and geez louise, ugh....it wasn't only greasy it was n-a-p-p-y! Even the greasers themselves didn't wear their hair that greasy! Even Dally's hair looked like upstyle, New York fashion compared to...errr...Bonnie.  
Ponyboy took one look at her when they met on the road and erupted into bouts of joyous laughter. She looked at him with pleading eyes....and he laughed even harder and laughed all the way back to the Curtises and even when Darry yelled at him, he couldn't stop.  
Crying and straggling along, she somehow reached the Curtis headquarters. Darry took one look at her and started hysterically laughing, which rid him of at least a year's worth of stress. Johnny, who had a little bit of sympathy, took the girl into Pony and Soda's room and tried to clean her up as best as he could. After she showered, Johnny tried to comb her hair but all the bristles broke off and all he could do was grease it into a ponytail, which was easier said than done by far.  
"What's your name?" Johnny asked smiling.  
"Bonnie," she said simply. To this Johnny was quite displeased.  
"It sounds too much like my name," he said in distress, "Is it okay if we call you 'Billy-Bob' from now on?"  
"(sigh) Well, I suppose so," she answered.  
"Excuse me, NO! ~I~ WILL DO ALL THE SUPPOSING AROUND HERE!" Johnny screamed at her.  
"Sorry, I'm so so sorry!" Bonnie, now Billy-Bob said in humble apology.  
Johnny rolled his eyes, and tore through Ponyboy's clothes until he found an ugly Beatles shirt and some sweats which was beyond doubt the ugliest piece of clothing one could see.  
"Here," Johnny said throwing them at her, "Doesn't look like you need a bra either," he said, disgusted at her chest.  
She was very grateful for new clothes, thought they were hidious, she put them on. She looked absolutely horrible and would make the people at E! scream in utter fear. The pants were about to burst with any given moment and the shirt looked like a tent. The badly done ponytail didn't help any.  
Johnny looked a little more than disgusted, but he finally after a moment's shock spoke, "Why don't you see if you can be of any help in the kitchen?"  
Billy-Bob immidiately agreed and over-ran Darry in the kitchen. An hour later, dinner was served. The bread was burnt blue and the meat was still raw with parasites crawling around. As all the greasers wrinkled their noses, Sodapop politely took a bite. He immidiately spat it out all over Steve and Two-Bit.  
"Who cooked this ****?" he yelled, cussing for once in his life.  
"I did," Billy-Bob answered with his head down. He grabbed her arm and squeezed it until it rivaled those pants she was wearing, "Who are you?"  
"Bon," she saw Johnny's switchblade shining like a star, "Er, Billy-Bob."  
"Well, go get something that's fit to eat then," he ordered and she stepped back, agreeing, which made the pants explode like a nitrogen bomb. She hurried away, Darry following her.  
"Oh Darryl, have you come to comfort me?" she asked hopefully.  
"Hell no, if I let you loose, we'd all starve. Here," he said, handing her a switchblade, "In case a Soc gets us."  
"Thank you," she said, awed. And, as thought, two Socs attacked them, and Darry shot a knife one's heart. Billy-Bob prepared to shoot the other Soc but ended up stabbing her hand. She took out the knife and it ended up 100 feet from the Soc. Darry finally got fed up with the wimp and stabbed the other Soc. She tried helping but a switchblade ended up in his butt.  
"OWWWW!" he yelped.  
"Oh let me help you!" she cried.  
"NO! Get away from me, you freak!" he yelled.  
"I'll just pull it out," she claimed, looking at the finely toned (PG, remember? PG) knife.  
"Like **** you will," he said and pulled it out himself, a firm grip on the knife. Blood oozed out like Silly Putty.  
Billy-Bob ran over, and put her hand on his butt to help the wound.  
"I don't think so," he growled, but then she stepped over a conviently place banana peel and laid on top of him.  
"GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! YOU FREAK!" he yelled and screamed, "YOU'RE CRUSHING ME!"   
He shoved her off and walked back to his house, one hand on his butt, the other one flicking everyone off. Billy-Bob quickly ran quietly behind him, and ran to Ponyboy's room, where Johnny was residing.  
"What?" Johnny asked coldly.  
"I've tried laying everyone here but they won't even acknowledge me!" she cried.  
"So? Who would want to?" he said, smirking as she sobbed even more.  
"Johnny?" she asked meekly, through her tears.  
"WHAT?!" he asked, extremely annoyed.  
She quickly asked, "Willyoumakeoutwithmeandmaybeevenmore?"  
Johnny puked up everything in his stomach, "EW! NO! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU *****!"  
So, still wearing Ponyboy's shirt and the tattered remains of the pants, and rejected by every place and everyone, she went backward whence she came....tahnkfully out of everyone's sight.  
  
A/N: No flames, please! ^_^! I hope you found this entertaining! 


End file.
